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Xeno Taco Gazelle
Posts : 1182 Join date : 2010-12-24 Age : 27 Location : Canada
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Tue Jul 03, 2012 5:59 pm | |
| I'll get on to doing that tomorrow. A bit busy trying to console a friend at the moment.
I'm sure a better title will be found later on. That one isn't too lame.
Neato. Priska. Fun.
Secret Oivah'ji agent and a princess? I dunno, does seem a bit much. But it would be neat.
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| | | Galactic conquerer Regular Visitor
Posts : 85 Join date : 2011-02-06 Location : New Jersey
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Tue Jul 03, 2012 7:26 pm | |
| Hello guys. Long time no see. Good to see this forum is still up and running. I'm sorry for being gone so long, ive just been busy and once people started leaving I decided to leave as well. I promise to check in on this forum but I wont be on as much as I used to. Glad to be back. | |
| | | SPACE_LEMON Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Posts : 1538 Join date : 2010-12-23 Age : 28 Location : My own little pocket universe :3
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Wed Jul 04, 2012 2:18 am | |
| GALACTIC!!! @Xeno: Anyway, that's okay. And I think I should rather not make Viera an Oivah'ji (as per usual, the new name's gonna have to take a bit of getting used to xD ) agent. But she's not a princess, but the daughter of the village pair and thus the obligated future leader of the village. I'm probably gonna turn the village into a town, though. But still. Oh, and I'm about to post in the Beta Writing section. | |
| | | Galactic conquerer Regular Visitor
Posts : 85 Join date : 2011-02-06 Location : New Jersey
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Wed Jul 04, 2012 7:46 am | |
| Hows this project going? You guys the only ones still here? | |
| | | Xeno Taco Gazelle
Posts : 1182 Join date : 2010-12-24 Age : 27 Location : Canada
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Wed Jul 04, 2012 8:55 am | |
| It's going rather well, me thinks. And yes, we're the only ones still here, it seems.
@Temp: Well, it's the same sort of thing as a princess.
Beta writing section. Woohoo! | |
| | | Xeno Taco Gazelle
Posts : 1182 Join date : 2010-12-24 Age : 27 Location : Canada
Character Sheet Character Status: N/a Full Name: Starting Universe:
| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Wed Jul 04, 2012 9:17 am | |
| So, copy pasting and quoting things. That's a lot of things. Like this? - Spoiler:
Valdin: "_*_Valdin. Arguably the most beautiful city in the world. Strategically located on the shores of El’jok, near the Gap of Mayos, Valdin controlled all trade via the sea on this side of the planet for over a century. Then the Iga’vi became an empire and blocked the trade flow to the west. The nation has since been cut off from half the planet’s economy, though the city has not suffered as much. It is now the centre of trade to and from the nations beyond the Gap of Mayos, a straight that connected the Sea of El’jok to the great ocean beyond. Trade has brought continual prosperity to the city and the nation, even with the heavy threat of Iga looming on the western border. Valdin itself has likely become the most prosperous city in the world, with thousands of citizens and a bustling economy. The buildings were marvels of construction and the streets were clean. The gardens never lost their splendour and the crime rate was practically non-existent - in the Inner City, at least. Quite fitting, then, to be the capital of the Valiero’vi people. _*_Of the eight notable nations of the world Valiero is often considered to be the most civilised. It doesn’t need to rule over the planet’s trade like the sea-faring Aari’vi, or have superior technology like the brutish, metal-minded Iga’vi. Oh no. The just law and orderly culture of their civilisation was enough. _*_Valdin was evidence of this. A citizen of Valdin would say this with pride, even if they were only referring to the Inner City. _*_This majority of Valdin is built inside a shallow, perfectly circular crater on the edge of the shore line. A gap in the south of the crater rim opens it up the ocean, as a result of which there is a small bay inside the crater. Valdin Bay. The rest of the crater is filled with the city, which was built in concentric incomplete rings (cut-off from being full rings by the bay) – three “circles” – growing more grandiose closer to the centre. At this centre, on the edge of Valdin bay, is the heart of Valdin and truly of the whole of Valiero. The palace. _*_Tayari Plaza was one of the most beautiful parts of Valdin. Located in the Tashir sector, in the innermost circle, the soft white stone plaza overlooked the bay of Valdin and was filled with fountains of the cleanest water and gardens of the most beautiful plant life. It wasn’t the largest plaza in the city – that privilege was reserved for the Lio’nari plaza in the government block. _*_Of course, the full beauty could not be seen at the current time. It was night, after all, but the colourful light of the foliage of the gardens still provided much beauty that wouldn’t be seem in the day light."
The bay: "The waters were lit by both the golden lights of the city and the multi-coloured light of gardens and the white light of the larger of the two moons."
Royal ship: "_The hundreds of wooden vessels, ranging from the ignorably tiny to the view-stealingly gigantic, were not at all a rare sight in the bay. What was a rare sight was the single, average sized ship reeling in its golden kite-sails. It was painted chalk-white and had the national seal – which looked not unlike two crescent moons surrounding an orb – engraved on both its sides and painted on its largest, central kite-sail. This was the royal ship of Valiero. The Vin Yilzah. "
Priantos: "Priantos of the family Escar, house Mirr’ian, was a Xen’vi male of average height and build. He would appear to be a first class citizen, with his expensive clothing and disciplined way of doing things. He wore light grey leg-wear, the fabric of which was finely woven and lined with subtle patterns, and wore leather footwear over his feet, excluding his bare toes, with thin rubber-wood soles. _*_Along with this he wore a finely woven white vest, with his house arms woven in black on the front. The symbol was of a pair of Altari calves symmetrically next to one another. Over all of this he wore a long, hooded robe. The robe was a subtle light, almost grey blue and the hood was long – meant for a male – in order to cover the crest. His robe was fastened with a black-fabric belt with a large blue gem acting as the buckle in the centre. "
His job history: "Priantos had been a member of the Force for years. It had always been his aspiration. When he first started, after graduating from the military college at the age of fifteen, he was appointed to the City Guard, the first division of the Force. Simply put, being a Guard encompassed standing around and waiting for trouble to happen. In most cases, your job was reduced to simply following important people around or even just opening gates for them. However, when a fight would break out somewhere or a protest would get out of hand, it was always the Guard who were in charge of restoring peace. Of course, no one ever gave you credit for it. You were just there in your heavy armour. Just another unit. Priantos hated being a guard. _*_Thankfully, within a year, he had been promoted to the Enforcers. Being an enforcer was much more exciting. Enforcers were the ones who dealt with those who broke the law. Enforcers arrested thieves and tracked down murderers. If you’re lucky, you might even get a case to solve. To top it all off, people respected you. _*_Five years later, Priantos had risen through the ranks once more and was given the choice to join the third and final division of the Force. A division he didn’t even know existed. He was asked to join the Order of the Arcane. The nation’s secret police. _*_Priantos had now been a part of the Order for four years."
His house: "Priantos’ home was a modest tan clay-brick, block-shaped building, much like those around it. It was in the middle-class circle of the city, between the inner and outer rings, in the Southeast Sector. As a child, he had always dreamt of living in the city. So far, it had been almost all he’d hoped for. Almost. _*_The house’s edges blended in to those of his neighbours, though the house on the left side of his had but one floor while Priantos and his right hand neighbours both lived in double storey homes. In any case, they all had flat roofs, as was custom in middle-class Valiero’vi architecture. _*_The house was of average size, roughly five meters wide and ten meters deep, with no street-facing windows on the bottom floor, but two street facing windows on the top. Unlike with the architecture of the palace, the window-gaps in the walls were rectangular as opposed to triangular, as were the doorways, as rectangular openings were an easier shape to build. At the back of the house, a doorway opened into a large fifteen by fifteen meter courtyard, shared by every house opening up to it. Of course, because of the circular geometry of the city, the courtyard wasn’t completely square. It was more like a conical square, with two of the sides coming closer to one another at the one side, and further from one another at the other. Priantos had a small garden there, where he grew the vegetarian part of his diet. _*_The house itself was fairly well-furnished. There were no obviously expensive items, but it was sufficient to Priantos’ needs, which weren’t much, as he spent most of his time, due to his profession, outside of his home."
Mail Priska: "It was the specimen of a small subspecies of Priska – a small black creature, buzzing through the air. Like the larger species, it had the appearance of a short cylinder with a beak at the front and its jet-hole at the back. On either side where two balloon-like structures keeping it in the air. On either side of its beak was a stubby antenna, with which it perceived its surroundings. Below it hung two thin tentacles, on either side of its eyeless head. The one held a small scroll."
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| | | SPACE_LEMON Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Posts : 1538 Join date : 2010-12-23 Age : 28 Location : My own little pocket universe :3
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Wed Jul 04, 2012 10:26 am | |
| Yes, but can leave out the bay, the royal ship, Priskas and pretty much anything less than four lines long. If you're up to it. | |
| | | Galactic conquerer Regular Visitor
Posts : 85 Join date : 2011-02-06 Location : New Jersey
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Thu Jul 05, 2012 5:20 pm | |
| So what can I do to help? | |
| | | SPACE_LEMON Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Posts : 1538 Join date : 2010-12-23 Age : 28 Location : My own little pocket universe :3
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Fri Jul 06, 2012 1:14 am | |
| I guess you could help with what I asked Xeno to do a few posts up. | |
| | | Xeno Taco Gazelle
Posts : 1182 Join date : 2010-12-24 Age : 27 Location : Canada
Character Sheet Character Status: N/a Full Name: Starting Universe:
| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Fri Jul 06, 2012 4:14 am | |
| Chater 4, nothing more than four lines, Chapter 6... - Spoiler:
"the Valdin Library. It was the largest collection of knowledge in the whole of the nation, perhaps even the world, aside maybe from the Human settlements, but who knew what lay inside those walls. _*_The building, almost half the size of the palace, was located of the Isle of Leon, on which the University of Valdin was built, one of the most elegant places away from the Inner Circle. The relatively small island was connected to the city of Valdin itself via a large stone bridge that went into one of the three main streets of the city that headed directly toward the palace. The island was separated from the mainland by the Straight of Leon, wherein the River Shin also flowed. The library building was a large hundred meter wide, three floor cylinder, topped with a magnificent dome, rimmed with a balcony with one of the most rewarding views apart from that of the palace. Three smaller domed structures were built on the rim of the library at equal intervals. Between these structures were the three large two-storey library doors. _*_The Library’s interior was awe-inspiring. Each floor above the ground floor was made up of a wide balcony that encircled the interior of the circular building. In the middle was a practically open space, occupied only by concentric rings of shelves on the ground floor. Almost every wall was lined with shelves, with multiple desks and chairs here and there. These shelves contained scrolls upon scrolls on almost every subject imaginable. _*_If Priantos was going to find what he was looking for anywhere, it would be here. _*_There were many people in the library. Some wore ordinary city clothing, while others wore white cloaks – normally over otherwise normal clothing - with cloth belts of various colours. From experience, Priantos had learnt what the colours meant. White belts were for the students, green, red and yellow belts were for the teachers and lecturers of different subjects, while blue belts were worn by the librarians."
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| | | SPACE_LEMON Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Posts : 1538 Join date : 2010-12-23 Age : 28 Location : My own little pocket universe :3
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Fri Jul 06, 2012 7:17 am | |
| Oh. I thought there'd be more. If the less-than-4-lines ones seem important, I suppose you could post them too. Sorry about my indecisiveness... | |
| | | Xeno Taco Gazelle
Posts : 1182 Join date : 2010-12-24 Age : 27 Location : Canada
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Fri Jul 06, 2012 1:52 pm | |
| Heh, righto. I'll look throw it again later. | |
| | | SPACE_LEMON Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Posts : 1538 Join date : 2010-12-23 Age : 28 Location : My own little pocket universe :3
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Sun Jul 08, 2012 4:14 am | |
| I just re-thought and figured out how the character points of view are going to work for each book:
Book I: -David; Viera; Kenji -Priantos; Lash'irr; Nomad
Book II: -David; Priantos; Nomad -Kenji; Kate; Caylin
Book III: -David; Viera; Priantos; Kate; Tiard; Nomad (Character/chapter divisions not yet decided)
As you may notice, there are now 9 points of view (as 9, to me, is the best alternative to 12 (12 POV's was just too messy)), with three characters having POV's in all three novels (David, Priantos and Nomad (new character. Will explain below)), three characters having POV's in two of the novels each (Viera, Kenji and Kate) and three characters having POV's in only one novel each (Lash'irr, Caylin and Tiard). I had to make some tough choices, for example, cutting Viera's point of view out of Book II (simply because not enough happens in her storyline in Book II, so explaining what happened in Book II shouldn't be to difficult) and Caylin's point of view out of Book III (I'll have to make due with Kate's).
So, who's this Nomad person?
Personally, she's one of my favourite characters so far and I think readers will find her pretty epic as well. She's largely going to be an enigma in Books I and II and her true identity will only be revealed midway through Book II.
Nomad is the pseudonym (her real name's Emily Vance) of a female human in her mid-twenties or thirties who's either the sole survivor of an exploration party that went missing long ago, and the went rogue for some reason (likely Jaylen-related). Anyway, she travels with a huge rucksack of supplies, a hoverbike and two adorable little spider droids that help defend her and repair each other or her bike if needed. She travels Novusvita nomadically (hence her nickname) and is a very enigmatic figure and known throughout quite a few tribal communities where she'll trade for food or even live with the natives for a while. he's generally pretty badass, an excellent fighter and an expert in fending for herself (which includes knowing what Novusvitan foods a human can eat). She wears these epic goggles and a multitude of blankets and garments over her Hexsuit (making her look like someone living through a nuclear war), as said suit stopped working long ago (though she managed to keep the breather working and still wear the suit for defense (as it serves as an excellent armour)). Seeing as the members of the missing exploration party were never found, Nomad could be any one of them and I'm also going to refer to her as "he" until her identity is revealed (which will be one of those "OMG it's a girl!!" moments for added epicness).
She's also an Oivah'ji agent and believes herself to be the "Third" (as David and Priantos have already been marked as the first two of the prophesied three destined to defeat the Shadow). I'm actually gonna keep Kate the real Third, but only reveal this at the end of the trilogy.
What do you think? | |
| | | Xeno Taco Gazelle
Posts : 1182 Join date : 2010-12-24 Age : 27 Location : Canada
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Mon Jul 09, 2012 6:40 am | |
| I think that sounds neat. Heh, I'm sure her thinking she's the "Third" while in reality it's actually Kate will create some interesting drama between those two. | |
| | | SPACE_LEMON Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Posts : 1538 Join date : 2010-12-23 Age : 28 Location : My own little pocket universe :3
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Mon Jul 09, 2012 10:22 am | |
| Thanks. And indeed it will. So basically, aside from redoing the investigation and generally editing and adding to much of the first book, I'm also gonna throw Kenji and Nomad's POV's into the mix. | |
| | | Galactic conquerer Regular Visitor
Posts : 85 Join date : 2011-02-06 Location : New Jersey
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:06 pm | |
| Hows the book coming along? | |
| | | SPACE_LEMON Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Posts : 1538 Join date : 2010-12-23 Age : 28 Location : My own little pocket universe :3
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Wed Jul 11, 2012 7:57 am | |
| Well, since I posted that I've been working, so no more progress yet. Tomorrow I plan on writing muchly, though.
Oh, and Stephanie doesn't exist anymore. Her role has been replaced by Donathan and David where applicable. I'm doing this because I can't think of a proper role for her in Books II and III and her disexistence doesn't make a difference.
Oh, and Steven is no longer just a guard, but somewhat of the AI and information handler of Darwin (he deals with software, which makes his role more plausible). He's also going to be introduced better so that readers will know he is or will probably be important. | |
| | | Xeno Taco Gazelle
Posts : 1182 Join date : 2010-12-24 Age : 27 Location : Canada
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Thu Jul 12, 2012 7:03 am | |
| Aw, I think I'll miss Steph. Although she never really did much. And then wouldn't do anything in the other books. Mmh. Seems like a good idea. | |
| | | SPACE_LEMON Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Posts : 1538 Join date : 2010-12-23 Age : 28 Location : My own little pocket universe :3
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Sat Jul 14, 2012 11:21 am | |
| The series is also going to be quite a bit more political, now. For instance, I'm bringing in another new character (but not a POV character), Brethin, son of King Dalash (for whom I also want to give a new name, like "Dalarr" or something) sole heir to the throne unless he is voted as not being suitable for the monarchy, which would mean removing the current royal family from office (in Valieren society, each province has a ruling family which can be voted to be the royal family. So it's pretty much a combination of democracy and monarchy).
Then there's of course the whole Valieren civil war thing.
There's a lot more, but I can't think of any at the moment. | |
| | | Xeno Taco Gazelle
Posts : 1182 Join date : 2010-12-24 Age : 27 Location : Canada
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Sun Jul 15, 2012 6:26 am | |
| Oh, that'll be interesting. | |
| | | SPACE_LEMON Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Posts : 1538 Join date : 2010-12-23 Age : 28 Location : My own little pocket universe :3
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Sun Jul 15, 2012 6:43 am | |
| *See new "Series Plots" thread. | |
| | | SPACE_LEMON Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Posts : 1538 Join date : 2010-12-23 Age : 28 Location : My own little pocket universe :3
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Sun Jul 22, 2012 8:31 am | |
| Okay, it just occurred to me that we still need to discuss Kenji's POV in Book I (and Nomad's, but we can cover that in her thread).
Okay, the reason I'm including Kenji's POV is because Priantos won't be able to observe the whole global political climate (even if that's mainly the Valiero'ji's) on his own. That's where Kenji comes in. Now, originally I needed an ambassador figure in Book II, which is why I changed Kenji's profession at the end of Book I, but now I'm gonna have Kenji be an ambassador from the start. His POV is also gonna fall in with David's chapters (like Nomad's will fall in with Priantos').
So far I'm going to have him start with David on the UEF Algol II to Novusvita. On board David and Kenji will meet for the first time and start a friendship which will continue as they're both stationed at Darwin in the first book. Kenji will initially go through a number of courses or whatever to familiarize himself more with the Zen'ji nations, politics and culture and whatnot. His first tasks will be visiting the local villages and whatnot (including Viera's after Donathan goes missing (which I'm also going to change somewhat), with Rose (who dies in the crash) as supervisor). Eventually he'll be sent with the current ambassador (a new incarnation of Stephanie which I just decided I need) on regular occasions to the Svia'ji and Valiero'ji capitols (mainly the latter), where he'll mainly observe (maybe speak out of turn once or twice). In part three he'll become actively involved in the search or David and, after managing the active co-operation of Svia'ji village which David and Viera would be likely to head to (which led to their eventual rescue), he'll be promoted to ambassador for his next shift (in Book II) to replace his predecessor (Stephanie-now-an-ambassador), who will, like Donathan, not return to Darwin in Book II. | |
| | | Xeno Taco Gazelle
Posts : 1182 Join date : 2010-12-24 Age : 27 Location : Canada
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Mon Jul 23, 2012 5:09 pm | |
| I would appear to be going on vacation for the rest of the summer. Talk to you at the end of August, I reckon. Although I'm sure I'll find time to post here eventually. | |
| | | SPACE_LEMON Denizen of the Higher Dimensions
Posts : 1538 Join date : 2010-12-23 Age : 28 Location : My own little pocket universe :3
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| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Tue Jul 24, 2012 1:36 am | |
| I was wondering about your absence... Well, enjoy it. | |
| | | Xeno Taco Gazelle
Posts : 1182 Join date : 2010-12-24 Age : 27 Location : Canada
Character Sheet Character Status: N/a Full Name: Starting Universe:
| Subject: Re: Uber Edit Time =D Mon Jul 30, 2012 1:05 pm | |
| 'Tisn't too great, actually. Been sitting around without the internet, for the most part. Evidently I have internet now. | |
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